just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
