Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
