So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
it glows. i had to have it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
