one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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