my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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