on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
