Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
