If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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