We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
