If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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