he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
