I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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