i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
