turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
