You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
