and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
