Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
