remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
