whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
