did you get engaged???
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
