Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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