Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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