Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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