butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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