your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You're like the curious george of whores
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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