Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
