Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
