where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
