I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
