You work out of a Hotel?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
