I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
