I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
