I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
