I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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