ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There's always time for handjobs
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
