Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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