Duck Duck Cougar?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
