I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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