I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
