I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
