Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
