hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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