Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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