Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
