this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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