some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
