everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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