i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
