I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
