A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
