If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
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