There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
