The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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