Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
