I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
